Dean Yates latest book Line in the Sand looks at trauma after a career in journalism

In his dreams, he'd be running through the streets of Baghdad.

"My feet would actually be moving in bed and my wife Mary would tell me the next morning, she'd say 'I could feel your feet moving. I could hear the your toenails scratching the wooden frame of the bed.'"

Yates had been a correspondent and then Bureau Chief for Reuters in Baghdad at the height of Iraq war, "the biggest story in world" at the time.

What scared foreign journalists in Baghdad the most was getting kidnapped, which was essentially a death sentence, he said.

READ MORE: Launceston artist DENNI excited to represent Mob at national music festival

A few years into the job, two of his colleagues Saeed Chmagh and Namir Noor-Eldeen were killed by a US gunship. Their deaths were captured in an infamous US military video released by Wikileaks called 'Collateral Murder'.

In the peace of Evandale, away from the "madness" that he'd experienced in Iraq, Yates was experiencing the delayed trauma of the post-traumatic stress that he encountered in his years as a journalist.

He eventually ended seeking treatment at Ward 17 in Melbourne and has now published a memoir called Line in the Sand: A life changing journey through a body and mind after trauma.

When he took on the role of Bureau Chief in Baghdad, Yates and his wife discussed the pressure of being responsible for his staff but never talked about PTSD or the longterm psychological challenges.

READ MORE: Menzies participates in international study on breakthrough MS research

There was a lack of awareness and and understanding of mental illness among journalists at the time, he said. People knew that they were stressed, they'd take breaks, drink more than they should but they never talked about mental illness.

"And part of it was the macho culture of journalism that you just got on with the job and you didn't want to show weakness. You didn't want to show the bosses that you couldn't hack it."

"Nothing can ever prepare you for the deaths of people that you're responsible for. No training will ever can ever prepare you for something like that."

Yates understands the trauma he felt after his staff's deaths as "moral injury."

He defines it as "a kind of accountability that some people go through when something dramatic happens."

"You assess your actions or your lack of actions, and you come to a conclusion that you actually failed."

READ MORE: Tasmanian Aboriginal elders share stories of the sea

The question that he was faced with was "How do I atone?"

Yates eventually became suicidal in 2016. He was still working for Reuters, editing stories from Evandale.

"I was very lucky because I told my wife Mary how I was feeling. I told her how bad I was."

Within weeks, Yates found himself at a psych ward which specialised in PTSD, surrounded by veterans and first responders.

"I discovered that I wasn't alone," he said

"We all had the same symptoms. We were all having flashbacks and nightmares. We all couldn't go into any crowded places and we had all put enormous strain on our families and our relationships."

READ MORE: Tasmanian win 'first step in journey': Jake Hinds

In the ward, Yates also confronted his "moral injury" and eventually held a memorial service for his staff. He was able to forgive himself and come away from the experience knowing he wasn't a bad person.

Through his book, he hopes to convey that human connection is "absolutely vital" to healing from trauma and that "people have to educate themselves make themselves aware of their own mental health."

Beyond the book, Yates hopes to keep advocating for first responders and veterans, a demographic that he says is "being brutalised" by system that's ruining their mental health.

He hopes that employers reading his book will see what happens when they don't look after their staff.

"The results can be devastating."

Our journalists work hard to provide local, up-to-date news to the community. This is how you can continue to access our trusted content:

Follow us on Google News: The Examiner